Gotta say... Heineken Zero is much better than I expected it to be. I was expecting something more like lightly-sugared hop squeezings. It tastes like a slightly lighter version of Heineken Light. Which, while maybe not the best beer in the world, does at least taste like beer. It's good enough I can have one (or two, or a hundred - no alcohol) and not have to pretend I like it. I actually like it just fine. It's handy.
I suppose if you don't like Heineken at all, you will not be impressed. But rather like the stuff - all versions.