The Rudy List

Over here on a TNR blog, Christopher Orr writes:

To recap: Rudy Giuliani has now argued that his tenure as Mayor of the Universe New York City gives him better foreign policy credentials than Joe Biden, a keener understanding of torture than John McCain, more experience at Ground Zero than the actual recovery workers, and a unique ability to secure the nation's borders against illegal immigrants.

At least now his contention that his wife is a bioterror expert thanks to her nursing background seems a little less out of left field.

And his commenters follow-up with witticisms:

  1. He also has a far better understanding of marriage, having been married 3 times. And is more knowledgeable about theology than most Christians, because he studied theology.
  2. Subsequent commercials feature him miraculously cleansing the city streets of lepers, and raising Fiorello LaGuardia from the dead.
  3. Giuliani would take the two windshield squeegees from the beggers and restore the twin towers.
  4. Another little known fact: It was really Giuliani who fended off the Stay Puft Marshmellow Man back in the day

Which suggests that it's time for a Rudy Giuliani Facts list, in the same spirit as the Chuck Norris Facts List...

Anybody got any ?

And we're off:

  1. Rudy Giuliani drove the prostitutes from Times Square by sleeping with all of them.
  2. Judith Nathan bathes in the tears of 9/11 widows and orphans that Rudy collects thrice weekly.
  3. Rudy Giuliani has already defeated all the terrorists, in Imagination Land.
  4. When Rudy Giuliani cries, each tear has the power to extinguish a fire in any one of the five boroughs. But Rudy Giuliani never cries.
  5. Rudy Giuliani rid NYC of crime by having Bernard Kerik monopolize it.
  6. Rudy's divorces are not due to any fault of his, he's just too much man for one woman to bear.
  7. Rudy isn't opposed to torture, he's opposed to crybabies who can't take it.
  8. Rudy's so powerful, his past self grows stronger every time his present self describes something his past self did.
  9. Rudy Giuliani is so powerful that Pat Robertson will endorse him despite Giuliani advocating everything that Pat Robertson is against.

5 thoughts on “The Rudy List

  1. cleek

    Rudy Giuliani has already defeated all the terrorists, in Imagination Land.

    When Rudy Giuliani cries, each tear has the power to extinguish a fire in one of the five boroughs. But Rudy Giuliani never cries.

  2. Ugh

    Rudy Giuliani is so powerful that Pat Robertson will endorse him despite Giuliani advocating everything that Pat Robertson is against.

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