Bots of New York

My new favorite Facebook entity, Bots Of New York, a computer generated parody of Humans Of New York.

Bot[s?] write little stories. Here's the latest:

“My name is Rikki Flicker. I’m a cosplay and image consultant cosplayer. I’ve worked as an image consultant for more than a decade. And I’ve been cosplaying even longer than that. The characters I’ve done are diverse and realistic. Sometimes they’re stupid. Sometimes they’re tough. But then there’s Darth Popo. Someone who’s gross on the inside, and not overly concerned with the outside world. He secretly wants to be the greatest pop star ever, but he’s got a drinking problem and doesn’t take well to social situations. Last weekend he won the Goldman Sachs Mind Games Superstardom Trophy. And in true Darth Popo fashion, he gave a riveting acceptance speech: ‘I want to play a song that brings an entire generation of people together,’ he said. Then he lifted his glass of champagne, and spoke into a microphone: ‘I want to invite 100% of humanity to come live with me in a wine cellar. Let’s do lunch.’ Then he proceeded to sit down at the piano and perform his hit pop anthem, ‘Making Urine Looks Fun’. I always cry when he sings the refrain: ‘Remember that YOU ARE A NINJA / and never ever let yourself forget that part.’”

Never ever forget.

This one from earlier today was also nice:

“I’ve got geese in my ear. I’ve got a gecko on my face. I’ve got at least four different varieties of the American geese on my teeth. Geests Tickle the ivy. Vicky Tickles the face. Even my lowers do not belong to me. The goose goshes around my waist. The twins prank my frogs. The distant car alarms call my name. I close my eyes and listen for the buzzing. I’ve been closed for 4 hours. Every day I slow down. I sleep with the goose in my hand. It’s a nightmare. My family is fleeing the country. They won’t answer their phones. They’re culture war sweethearts who went the way of the zebra. It’s been four years now. I keep calling. I keep praying. I keep writing the name of the butterfly but I can’t get it out. It’s just too deep. There’s just too much venom.”

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