McCain today:

"I believe that people are interested very much in substance," McCain said, contrasting himself with Barack Obama's charismatic style. "If it was simply style, William Jennings Bryan would have been president."

William Jennings Bryan? A guy who failed three times to win the presidency, back at the turn of the last century! Way to keep things fresh and current!

I predict this will be his acceptance speech at the RNC hoedown:

My Fellow Americans, I am disgusted with the way old people are depicted on television. We are not all vibrant, fun loving sex maniacs. Many of us are bitter, resentful individuals who remember the good old days when entertainment was bland and inoffensive. The following is a list of words I never want to hear on television again. Number one: bra. Number two: horny. Number three: family jewels.

Now my own story begins in nineteen-dickety-two. We had to say “dickety” cause the Kaiser had stolen our word “twenty”. I chased that rascal to get it back, but gave up after dickety-six miles. And the last time the meteors came, we thought the sky was on fire. Naturally, we blamed the Irish. We hanged more ‘n a few.

Where was I ? Who are you ? Oh yeah, Obama!

Unfortunately, we can't bust heads like we used to, but we have our ways. One trick is to tell them stories that don't go anywhere. Like the time I took the fairy to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now where were we, oh ya. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because if the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.

[ ... 40 minutes of WWI stories ... ]

You see, back in those days, rich men would ride around in Zeppelins, dropping coins on people, and one day I seen J. D. Rockefeller flying by. So I run of the house with a big washtub and, where are you going?

...and then the camera zooms out and we see that everybody has left but the crickets and that sycophant, Lieberman, who's making doe-eyes at him like Waylon Smithers after a bottle of white zinfandel: “Great speech, Mr McCain. Want to go celebrate in my room? It has a hot tub!” *wink*wink*