A South Carolina woman was held on a domestic abuse charge for allegedly stabbing her common-law husband with a decorative ceramic squirrel when he came home late on Christmas Eve without any beer.

How beautifully absurd.

The details do nothing to diminish the delight:

According to the police report, Williams' 41-year-old husband set out to buy some beer late Tuesday night, but he returned home empty-handed because the stores were closed.

That enraged Williams, according to the report, and as her husband set about making himself a sandwich, she picked up the ceramic squirrel and conked him over the head with it. Then she stabbed him in the chest with it, the report said.

Magnificent.

The condition of the squirrel wasn't reported.

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