Here's my entry into TBogg's Victor Davis I Was A Teenaged Classicist Hanson Blog Post

Fellow Fifthies, a crisis has gained our position. While not yet a catastrophe, it could come as a loss of confidence of the spirit to hear the news. Nonetheless. No secret kept among friends leads to brave warriors on the field. So I will tell you. We've struggled these many weeks to build a vast fund, intended to be spent bolstering our communal - in the original, joyous sense of the word, not pace the recent Marxist corruption - spirits by purchasing a quantity of ale for all who freely contributed to the great bronze Montefortino helmet we established for this purpose, which sat next to the microwave, by the foosball table. A celebration of our accomplishments, and our decades of fine Fifthie heritage, at the end of the current semester was to be our reward. But our noble plan was not to be; the hard-won and freely-given money with which this sustaining and celebratory ale was to be purchased has gone missing. And, though this additional information delivers a blow which will stay imprinted on our souls, in eternal shame, I feel I must tell you: I am certain it was taken by someone on the fourth floor, a clever burglar - in the words of Chang Tzu, "with great knowledge comes the great thief". But, not clever enough. No! For we know his purpose and we will work his plan against him. My fellow Fifthies, this is not the time for despair or malaise, for we shall turn his malice against us into unwitting benevolence towards us. With the advantage of elevation, I can see them out my window now, stealing their purchase our way - wheeling the keg towards the elevator that serves us all. Here is his downfall: as soon as the elevator starts, we will press the Up button! And when the elevator stops here, on its way to the fourth floor, noble Fifthies, we shall apprehend the thief and his misbegotten goods! Yes! Raise your soon-filled Solo cups high! The time approaches when his treachery will have turned Fortune's wheel and made him not our malefactor, but our delivery boy! So, now bravest Moose, press the Up button, and when the door opens, you and Bulldog grab him! I'll be waiting to chide him roundly. We shall prevail.

Alas, my tale of heroic valor was not to be the winner. Sad though that is, I must admit, the winning entry is truly the superior entry.

Yahoo News

He just keeps on going. Irv Gordon, Volvo's "Two Million Mile Man," just became the "Four Million Kilometer Man," breaking the four million kilometer barrier in the same shiny red 1966 Volvo P1800 he has been driving for more than 40 years.

Sixty-four-year-old retired science teacher and Long Island native Irv Gordon made history in 2002 when he reached a milestone no other individual had ever accomplished in more than 100 years of the automobile: driving two million miles in the same vehicle. He continues to break records with his latest one-car feat.

wow.

Just finished Jimmy McDonough's biography of Neil Young, Shakey. It's an encyclopedic look at Young's entire life, from his schoolboy days and his coffeeshop years in Canada, through the Buffalo Springfield days, the CSNY days, his 70's high points, his 80's low points, his return in the early 90's as the "godfather of grunge", up to the late 90's. McDonough hung out with Young and his associates for years, building up the interviews for the book - its depth is pretty amazing.

Now, I'm not a huge Neil Young fan. I own a few albums of his which I can listen to from time to time, and Live Rust made #69 on my all-time list, this year. But I don't think he's essential, like The Beatles, or Pavement. A lot of that has to do with his temperament: he's one of those artists who isn't afraid to release an album full of stuff he knows people, even his die hard fans, and his record company, aren't going to like - he makes the music that he wants to, in the way he wants to. And even his better albums have a lot of stuff I can't stand. But, he's also capable of greatness, so sometimes it's worth wading through the crap. And as the subject of a book, he's great. Young's been involved in so many things over the years that the book is almost of a history of rock: before he moved to LA, he was in Canada playing the coffee shop circuit with people like Joni Mitchell and Steven Stills, he even did a bit with Rick James before his Super Freak days; then he goes to LA and starts Buffalo Springfield, joins Crosby, Stills and Nash (whose music the author despises, and never misses a chance to tell us), plays gigs and makes a movie with Devo, records with Nicolette Larson and Linda Ronstadt, hangs out with Willie Nelson, starts Farm Aid, brings Sonic Youth on tour (I saw that show in Buffalo), records with Pearl Jam, all while doing his own stuff, which ranges from the folky acoustic stuff everyone knows (Heart Of Gold, etc) to the two-fisted rock stuff everyone knows (Cinnamon Girl, Rockin in the Free World, etc) to straight-up country, to experimental electronic stuff, to rockabilly, doo-wop, to collages of noise. Whew. The guy's a machine.

And even without the music, the guy's a character: single-minded, but prone to changing his mind abruptly, without warning or concern for the effect his decisions have on other people; he's perfectly comfortable walking away from large undertakings: ex. leaving a CSNY tour by just driving away one day without telling anyone. He's almost fanatical about doing the things he wants to do exactly the way he wants, when he wants - and any deviation is likely to bring a cyclone of rage onto whichever poor guy he decides is to blame. He's like the world's worst boss: capricious, controlling, short-tempered and a micro-manager - or, at least that's the way the author describes him.

McDonough often makes Young sound like a monster, but at the same time he also obviously respects the hell out of him. So, I sometimes felt the author must have forgotten to tell us about the things that people find endearing about Young (besides his talent, fame and money). Nonetheless, it's a fascinating book.

“There are some things the general public does not need to know and shouldn't. I believe democracy flourishes when the government can take legitimate steps to keep its secrets, and when the press can decide whether to print what it knows.”

-- Katherine Graham, former head of the Washington Post, speaking to a class of CIA recruits.

More fascinating info about the way the elite Washington press corps sees America here.

Mmmm donuts.

Watch and marvel, as Dr Frankenstein Lyle Rossiter, Jr, MD, an actual doctor (or so he claims), fashions, with his own hands and sizzling imagination, a horrible and terrifying creature:

Like all other human beings, the modern liberal reveals his true character, including his madness, in what he values and devalues, in what he articulates with passion. Of special interest, however, are the many values about which the modern liberal mind is not passionate: his agenda does not insist that the individual is the ultimate economic, social and political unit; it does not idealize individual liberty and the structure of law and order essential to it; it does not defend the basic rights of property and contract; it does not aspire to ideals of authentic autonomy and mutuality; it does not preach an ethic of self-reliance and self-determination; it does not praise courage, forbearance or resilience; it does not celebrate the ethics of consent or the blessings of voluntary cooperation. It does not advocate moral rectitude or understand the critical role of morality in human relating. The liberal agenda does not comprehend an identity of competence, appreciate its importance, or analyze the developmental conditions and social institutions that promote its achievement. The liberal agenda does not understand or recognize personal sovereignty or impose strict limits on coercion by the state. It does not celebrate the genuine altruism of private charity. It does not learn history's lessons on the evils of collectivism.

This creature must be made of pure evil! Do you dare read on? Are you brave enough to learn more about this abomination, this so-called "liberal" ?

The liberal cure for this endless malaise is a very large authoritarian government that regulates and manages society through a cradle to grave agenda of redistributive caretaking. It is a government everywhere doing everything for everyone. The liberal motto is “In Government We Trust.” To rescue the people from their troubled lives, the agenda recommends denial of personal responsibility, encourages self-pity and other-pity, fosters government dependency, promotes sexual indulgence, rationalizes violence, excuses financial obligation, justifies theft, ignores rudeness, prescribes complaining and blaming, denigrates marriage and the family, legalizes all abortion, defies religious and social tradition, declares inequality unjust, and rebels against the duties of citizenship.

The StrawLiberal! It's allliiiiivvvve!

Horrible!!! And it gets worse! This hideous monster has made demands of its creator, the amazing Dr. Rossiter! A part of which I shall excerpt here:

I intended to reason. This passion is detrimental to me, for you do not reflect that you are the cause of its excess. If any being felt emotions of benevolence towards me, I should return them a hundred and a hundredfold; for that one creature's sake I would make peace with the whole kind! But I now indulge in dreams of bliss that cannot be realized. What I ask of you is reasonable and moderate; I demand a creature of another sex, but as hideous as myself; the gratification is small, but it is all that I can receive, and it shall content me. It is true, we shall be monsters, cut off from all the world; but on that account we shall be more attached to one another. Our lives will not be happy, but they will be harmless and free from the misery I now feel. Oh! My creator, make me happy; let me feel gratitude towards you for one benefit! Let me see that I excite the sympathy of some existing thing; do not deny me my request!

Sure, cut off from the world - I can get behind that. But, it wants... to... mate?

If you consent, neither you nor any other human being shall ever see us again: I will go to the vast wilds of South America. My food is not that of man; I do not destroy the lamb and the kid to glut my appetite; acorns and berries afford me sufficient nourishment. My companion will be of the same nature as myself, and will be content with the same fare. We shall make our bed of dried leaves; the sun will shine on us as on man, and will ripen our food. The picture I present to you is peaceful and human, and you must feel that you could deny it only in the wantonness of power and cruelty. Pitiless as you have been towards me, I now see compassion in your eyes; me seize the favourable moment, and persuade you to promise what. I so ardently desire.

Dirty fucking pacifist vegan hippy liberal monsters.

You know, when I started this post, I was going to cleverly put links to counter-examples on each of his assertions. But then I realized that I'd have to put links on every single word larger than five letters, and I just ain't got that much jam. So, I'll just go for a TBogg™-style funny-picture post.

P.S., Hopefully this clown's a better psychiatrist than he is an analyst of human motivations.

And...

1. Sea And Cake - There You Are
2. Slint - for dinner... . like half this song is silence...
3. John Coltrane - Hot House
4. Tortoise - Glass Museum
5. Pixies - Monkey Gone To Heaven
6. Rolling Stones - Start Me Up (live)
7. The Pretenders - Louie Louie
8. Audioslave - Drown Me Slowly. Chris Cornell and Rage Against The Machine should be much more interesting.
9. Pink Floyd - Us And Them. Skip!
10. Sunny Day Real Estate - How It Feels To Be Something On. SDRE was the rock.

alas... it's Monday.