Category Archives: Election

Oh Fer Fuck's Sake

You’ll pardon me for having some confusion over the current state of Democratic thinking regarding multiple home ownership.

The fuck I will.

In 2004, the Democratic standard bearer owned multiple houses, and yet the party figured his wartime valor trumped that purported stain. Present-day secular saint Al Gore has parlayed his lucrative carbon offset racket into a lifestyle worthy of a 21st century Sun King. The left doesn’t seem to mind. And yet John McCain’s wealth is somehow a scandal?

I must question how genuinely scandalized the Democrats are by McCain’s wealth. Tonight, the Democrats will be honoring Ted Kennedy. Like McCain, Kennedy enjoys tremendous wealth. Also like McCain, the wealth that Kennedy enjoys has nothing to do with any personal industry he has shown. Of course, Kennedy’ wealth should in no way disqualify him from the honors he’ll receive tonight.

It's not about the fact that McCain's rich, it's about the fact that he has more homes than he can count, literally. McCain's life is so apparently divorced from common experience that asking if he knows anything about the needs of the masses, or if he can even relate to them, becomes a valid (and necessary, some would say) question to ask. It's not about his wealth, it's about the fact that he lives a pampered life, completely out of touch with the kinds of financial concerns the hundreds of millions of people who aren't John McCain, millionaire, live with.

Of course, that's bloody obvious to anyone who pays attention to this stuff. So maybe there's another reason a writer at a conservative magazine would fail to talk about the actual issue...

My Tiki

I went to Hawaii when I was ten. I had honey-dipped fried chicken from room service at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel in Waikiki beach. It was the best chicken I ever had. I rode the glass elevator for hours. Candy bars there cost 50 cents, in 1980.

Ever since then, I've noticed that I sometimes act in ways which appear to be intended to foment rebellion against the Federal government. I'll do something treasonous, then, in a flash, I'll wake up and wonder what I'm doing. You see, I only know about these things I do from what witnesses tell me. I don't remember them myself. I wake up in strange places, often surrounded by groups of angry people, all of them wide-eyed with the zealous rage of the newly-converted. They often expect me to lead them. Somewhere. They shout things about anarchy and taking back the country.

While I can't be sure, I fear the little tiki idol I found in a cave on Maui, and which I now keep on a cord around my neck, is cursed and leads me to do these things. It leads me; I lead them; I don't know its purpose, but I fear the worst.

Though I sometimes think I should, I can't take it off - even the thought nauseates me. It has become precious to me.

While I fear my fate is sealed, I hope Barack Obama doesn't find any cursed idols on his vacation ... or, more importantly, that he doesn't already have one...

No Choice But Evil

Alan Keyes, professional lunatic, has an analogy he'd like to share with you:

In terms of the conservative constituency of the Republican Party, Sen. McCain is an opportunistic infection that threatens to ravage and destroy its defenseless body. Tragically for America, in the larger context of our national political life he still plays the role of the AIDS virus, masquerading as a republican while opening the way for Barack Obama, the opportunistic infection that will ravage the defenseless body of our republic. If we accept the McCain/Obama choice, we resign the republic to its demise. I guess the "lesser of evils" crowd will take comfort in the notion that though infected with HIV, the patient actually died of pneumonia. Unfortunately, this is false comfort, since the choice they make increases the virulence of the opportunistic infection. In today's political terms, their surrender to moral relativism makes Barack Obama's election to the presidency more and more inevitable.

Now that's some high-quality lunacy!