You can learn all about the different types of shit from the Bristol Stool Scale - with pictures! For example:
Nice.
But I think it'd be even better with a little tweak:
Oh yeah. Savor those supple hissing esses; so smooth and soft. Slips right off the lipssss. Sibilance. Sibilance.
And it's not just the name of the Elliot Smith song that's coincidentally playing on my iPod right now, it's also good medical advice, since we now know that oral sex can cause throat cancer.
WTF?
Search Google for "she invented".
It responds, "Did you mean: he invented?"
Now this is a good autograph:
Here is your ball! Can you please tell me what gas station you work at so when you are pumping my gas I can yell at you!!! Now sit down, shut up, and enjoy the game!
Your favorite centerfielder