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das Huhn Liebhaber

The Sun:

THE star of top German TV showThe Farmer Wants A Wife has been accused by animal rights charity Peta of sexually abusing his chickens.

Gah. Fucking PETA.

Seventy-one-year-old nudist Hansi was shown using his finger to sexually stimulate his female birds on the final episode, broadcast on Monday night to 8.6million viewers.

He explained: “I do what the cockerel would usually do, only with my finger. It is like an orgasm for the chicken.”

The gruff farmer added: “Hansi is always happy when the chickens are happy.”


Caught you red handed!!

What's German for "Bookmobile" ?

KYLE: Woa dude! It's the bookmobile driver!!

BARBRADY: Caught you red handed!!

BOOKMOBILE DRIVER: Indeed you did!! How did you know I would strike here?

BARBRADY: By reading Teetle the Timid Taxidermist!

BOOKMOBILE DRIVER: YOU DID?! REALLY?! THEN IT WORKED!! MY WHOLE PLAN WORKED ABSOLUTELY PERFECTLY!!!

STAN: What are you talking about dude?

BOOKMOBILE DRIVER: When I heard that Officer Barbrady couldn't read, I knew I had to motivate him somehow! So I formulated a plan to encourage him to learn the magic of reading!!

KYLE: So you fucked a bunch of chickens?

BOOKMOBILE DRIVER: YES! YES! EXACTLY!!! Don't you see, only by fucking chickens could I get Officer Barbrady to become literate!

Everyone thinks, and tries to make this make sense.

It's the Principal!

It looks like the US auto industry is about to implode. Literally millions of people could be out of work soon. This is a crisis like none the country has seen before. But what can be done? Clearly, it's time for bold and aggressive action. We need some radical action, now!

But what to do. What to do.... Aha! Here's a thought! What if Detroit eliminated benefits for same-sex couples!

The Big Three automakers -- DaimlerChrysler,, General Motors and Ford Motor -- announced in June that they would offer health benefits to the same-sex partners of their 466,000 hourly and salaried employees in the United States. This was a ''landmark move'' in the effort by corporate America to provide such benefits for gay and lesbian couples, the report concluded.

I could not find much on the cost of providing these benefits however

A 2005 Hewitt Associates study revealed that a majority of employers experience a total benefits cost increase of less than 1 percent.

Several studies have shown that enrollment rates tend to be in the 1 percent to 2 percent range.

For Example:

2% of 446,000 is over 93,000

93,000 @ $395 for health care for active workers and $950 for retirees. Equals for active workers $36,735.000.00 and for retirees $88,350.000.00

Total $125,085.000.00

$125 million? Wow, that's not a lot of money!

But wait, let's double-check that math. Maybe he missed some savings in there.... aha! 2% of 446,000 isn't quite "over 93,000". In fact, according to Windows' Calculator, it's just 8,920. Let's work that through and see how much more they could save!

*tickyclickyclickytappy*

8920 @ $395 is... $2.8M.

$2.8M ! That's just about of 1/5 of what GM gave its CEO last year. Or 1/9 of what it paid in attorney fees to settle a single class-action suit over faulty engine coolant, earlier this year. Or 1/176 of what it paid in 2003 to settle 297 lawsuits over some exploding gas tanks.

Maybe instead of reducing benefits, they could hire a couple of those homosexuals' partners and put them to work in the quality control department. For less than $200K a year, they might be able to avoid another $400M in lawsuits. Eureka!

When alerted to his error, in comments, the author writes:

Although even if the numbers are off the principal
isn't

Shake down by radical homosexuals

Right. Real principles are never damaged by mere facts. Principals, doubly so.

Today In History

In honor of Marconi's 1901 feat, sending the first transatlantic radio signal, here's a link to the only song I can think of that mentions Marconi - a song widely recognized as the worst song ever:

And believe it or not, Bernie Taupin, the guy who wrote the lyrics for all those classic Elton John songs ("Don't Let The Sun Go Down On Me", "Bennie And The Jets", "Crocodile Rock", "Goodbye Yellow Brick Road", "Honky Cat", "Levon", etc..) , also wrote these lyrics. I hope he was drunk at the time. And every day since.