Tough It Out, You Pussies

Damn I love conservative economics. It makes me feel like the motherfucking angel of compassion.

American consumers are awash in debt, drowning in it. This is the fundamental issue with the stimulus proposal. We’re trying to borrow our way out of debt. Unfortunately, we need a recession. That is, consumption must decline because for some time we have been consuming more than we produce or have reasonable prospects of producing. Monetary policy has been used to inflate a series of bubbles to avoid the consequences of excess debt, and the more we try to hold it off, the worse it’s going to be. Bourbon works as a hangover cure, but only for a while.

It’s theoretically possible for an intelligently-designed stimulus action to help smooth this landing a bit, but we can’t avoid a painful adjustment. Americans are going to live in smaller houses, drive older cars, vacation nearer to home and have less impressive digital camcorders than they expect.

“Vacation nearer to home”? Well, I guess that’s one way to put it.

The number of people receiving unemployment benefits has reached an all-time record, the government said Thursday, and more layoffs are spreading throughout the economy.

The Labor Department reported that the number of Americans continuing to claim unemployment insurance for the week ending Jan. 17 was a seasonally adjusted 4.78 million, the highest on records dating back to 1967. That’s an increase of 159,000 from the previous week and worse than economists’ expectations of 4.65 million.

This year, I imagine lots of people are going to spend their summer looking for jobs or standing in line at the unemployment office – having driven there in their old cars , I’m sure:

Ford Motor Co. said Thursday it lost $5.9 billion in the fourth quarter and burned through $5.5 billion in cash as sales slumped

Ah, but that’s Ford – when’s the last time they made any money? What about our shiny Japanese friends?

Toyota Motor Corp., the world’s second-largest automaker, forecast its first operating loss in 71 years on plummeting demand, prompting Moody’s Investors Service to consider downgrading the company’s top-rated credit.

The carmaker will post a 150 billion yen ($1.7 billion) loss in the year through March, it said in a statement today, scrapping a previous forecast of a 600 billion yen profit.

“The environment we’re in is extremely tough,” President Katsuaki Watanabe told reporters today in Nagoya. “We’re facing an unprecedented emergency situation. Unfortunately, we can’t see the bottom.”

Unprecedented emergency? Nah, this is just a trip to fat camp for all of those greedy, fat, over-consumers who are all stuffed with their ill-gotten loot – and now there aren’t any donuts for the rest of us! But, a few weeks of rice cakes and push-ups and they’ll be good to go. Thursday is movie night – free Crystal Light! Leave your crappy camcorders at home, nobody wants to see what really happens while you’re being painfully adjusted. It’ll be fun!

And his precious economy will be all better.

14 thoughts on “Tough It Out, You Pussies

  1. Ugh

    What happened to the whole “The American Way of Life is Not Negotiable” stuff they used to believe in?

  2. cleek

    I just want to kick somebody in the nuts.

    a recession will cleanse us and renew our fighting spirit.

    why do you want America’s soul to be polluted and weak?

  3. Ugh

    American men are awash in sexuality, drowning in it. This is the fundamental issue with the stimulus proposal. We’re trying to jack our way out of sexuality. Unfortunately, we need a kick in the nuts. That is, sexuality must decline because for some time we have been sexing more than we celibate or have reasonable prospects of celibating. Jenna Jameson has been used to inflate a series of members to avoid the consequences of excess sexuality, and the more we try to hold it off, the worse it’s going to be. Bourbon works as a liquid courage, but only for a while.

  4. cleek

    Jenna Jameson has been used to inflate a series of members to avoid the consequences of excess sexuality, and the more we try to hold it off, the worse it’s going to be.

    exactly!

    let them eat cake

    (hey, i can post pictures in comments! kickass!)

  5. Rob Caldecott

    From The Daily Mail (a horrid right-wing newspaper):

    “More people could go blind as credit crunch causes people to avoid eye tests”.

    So how do us serfs post pictures or are we not worthy? Could be dangerous…

  6. Dustin

    Let’s see. I rent because house prices have been in an insane skyrocket climb my whole adult life, after years of driving cars older than I am I’m now driving a 2004 PT Cruiser I payed for in cash because someone lost it in a foreclosure, I haven’t been on a vacation in the last 3 years because I work so much, and I can’t afford a digital camera, or a laptop, or a smart phone, or any of the other “consumeristic” things they seem to think I’m wasting my money on.

    Two months ago I turned twenty four. These craven fuckers have literally stolen my generation’s financial future so they could bankroll their lavish lifestyles. The day they’re qualified to tell me how I should live my life when I’m just starting it now is the day I fucking become a millionaire.

  7. cleek

    So how do us serfs post pictures or are we not worthy?

    does an IMG tag work for you? that’s all i used.

    These craven fuckers have literally stolen my generation’s financial future so they could bankroll their lavish lifestyles.

    a little financial trouble is good for ya! builds character. helps digestion, too.

  8. bedtimeforbonzo

    But at least Exxon made $45 billion last year.

    Whores.

    Jenna Jameson. Now there’s somebody who knows how to run a profitable business.

  9. bedtimeforbonzo

    Dustin: On my used car lot, we always do well with PT Cruisers. The price is right and they are a niche car that always seem to find a home. (Not my cup of tea, but I drive a ’92 F150, so what the hell do I know?) . . . It’s hit or miss with Chevy’s HHR, depending on what we own them for, which is often too much.

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