18 months ago, Mrs and I had decided on a house plan. After looking at what seemed like thousands of plans, we'd found one we liked and that fit our needs. And then we went to builders for estimates and found that they were higher than we expected, partially because the house had most of its square footage on the first floor - which meant a large foundation and roof. We decided to go with the builder who gave us the lower estimate.

And then that builder talked us out of the plan we'd chosen, and into a plan that would give us more square footage for less money - because it would be a proper two-story house, and it's cheaper to build up than out.

And now we hate that house. Well, kindof. Sometimes. It's not great.

So, we've been looking at house plans again. And yesterday, Mrs sent me a link to a plan that looked like it would fit what we wanted. It's a single story (mostly), with all the stuff we want, with a cute design and a decent layout. And, though she didn't realize this until I pointed it out, it's the exact same floor plan the builder talked us out of, 18 months ago.

And now we hate the builder even more.

I think we've decided that we're going to stabilize our house and then move on.

It's not a bad house; it's rather nice. The lot is nice and the neighborhood is nice. The location is nice. Some rooms we love, some we don't mind, some we just don't know what to do with.

But, the house seems cursed. It's just an endless series of problems. We have never had a day, in the last 18 months, where there wasn't something wrong with the house, something that needs fixing, something that was done wrong and can't be fixed, something that will cost a fortune to correct, etc.. We've never caught up to the existing problems before new ones appear. We've owned houses before, and we know they require maintenance. But none of the other houses utterly consumed us with problems the way this one does. It's exhausting, and we're exhausted.

Mrs has felt like this for many months, but it's just started sinking in for me. I tried to keep a positive attitude, tried to get past this or that, but the house keeps coming up with new ways to torture me. There have been multiple nights when I couldn't sleep because I'd just discovered some new problem that will take hundreds or thousands of dollars to fix, and weeks trying to get the fucking contractors to start and then finish the required work.

We'll probably lose some money on it, but it's a cost we're happy to pay.

We live on a "private" road. That means the county doesn't own or service it - somebody else does. I've always assumed that person was the developer. Well, my neighbor has been telling me for months that my wife and I own it, says he read it off some drawing of the development. But I never believed him, thought he was confused or mistaken. Because, how could I own a road?

But today, curious, I called the county offices to see who really owns the road. The woman looked up the records. And, to my surprise, she said it was me: "That road is owned by Cleek O'Monkeyshines." (yes, that's my real name - hi world!) So, I own the road. Mine! (well, Mrs owns some, too.) And she confirmed that we're paying taxes on it. Hmm. So, now being an official baron of transportation, I started to think about all the wonderful, tyrannical ways I could wield this power: toll gate at the entrance, sue the builder who's driving his heavy equipment up and down it and leaving tread marks in the pavement, pave it with bricks, turn it to dirt, block it off completely, etc..

The woman also gave me the deed reference numbers for the road, and I looked up the deed on-line. Just to verify. Yep. There's my name, right at the top of the deed: Cleek O'Monkeyshines and Lovey O'Monkeyshines. Yay! Then I noticed the deed had been amended to include our neighbors as partial owners, too. Boooo!

So, my fantasy of empire was short-lived.

But maybe being able to split the costs with four other families (once all five lots are sold and built) will be better for us than having sole responsibility.

So, now... hundreds of these fuckers in our attic.

The fun never starts.

We've had some trouble with the floors in our new house. There are big gaps between boards everywhere. There are sections where there doesn't seem to be anything under the boards. There are sections where the boards are cupped. We've tried to get the builder to address these problems, but he just tells us to talk to his floor sub-contractor, who never returns our calls. When we complain about this to the builder, he says "well, you gotta stay on him!" That approach isn't working.

Researching, it turns out there are people who are certified to inspect floor installations. And, it also turns out that a report from one of these certified inspectors is the only thing a judge will accept, if we were to file a lawsuit against the builder.

So, we got one of these inspectors to come out this week and look (and they charge by the mile for travel, per hour for inspecting, per hour for report creation, plus a flat fee on top - yay). And the inspector's conclusion was ... the entire floor should be re-done. Aside from the problems that we noticed, there is too little finish on the boards, many of the boards are dried out, and they weren't laid square with the walls (!).

Next step is to get estimates from a couple of flooring companies to do a full re-floor of our house. Then, we present all of that to the builder... The builder who used to be the county D.A. and owns or has built half the town. That should go well.

It only took me three months and a dozen phone calls, but I got the gutter people to fix their fucked-up gutters! Now the rain from the roof doesn't pour into our porches, or run into our window frames!

But, in order to maintain the level of entropy in our house, the universe broke two bathtub drains, killed a half-dozen of our new shrubs, and caused our dishwasher to start leaking water.

And the floors are still fucked up.

The house is cursed.

(And, my just-out-of-warranty car needs a new set of rings! $1500, just in parts!)

Gutter guard manager guy called today and said they'd be replacing the guards, and contacting the manufacturer as to why they clogged up like they did. Good thing too, as I was about to make my eleventy zillionth mildly-aggravated phone call to his office.

The squeaky wheels of justice get the can of early worms, etc..

Since our house is surrounded by tall trees, we decided to get gutter guards, to keep us from having to clean the gutters multiple times every fall. They went on in March.

Last month, I noticed that rain was overshooting the gutters every place water came down a valley in the roof, even in the lightest rain. In two places, the water has run down into flower beds and has dug out two huge holes. In another place, it falls off a second story roof line onto a window. In another, it falls through the screen of our back porch. Since the point of gutters is to get water away from the foundation, this is bad. It will not do.

Two calls to the people who installed them, and I got a manager to come out, stand on the ground and tell me it was because of the heavy rain. I assured him it wasn't. It happens with any amount of rain. Then he said it looked like there was some 'debris' on the gutter at one spot. He suggested I clean it out. I suggested he clean it out since I don't have a 30' ladder and isn't that the entire fucking point of gutter guards? He said he'd talk to his installer.

A week later, I called him to see if he'd made any progress. He said he'd given my phone # to the installer and he should be calling me to set up an appointment.

A week later, I called to ask WFT? He said he'd talk to his installer again.

A week later, installer calls me, sets up a time to come out and look.

So today the installer comes out and looks. Says the gutter guards are clogged. Duh. He doesn't fix them because he has to ask his manager about something. So his manager is going to come out, sometime, and look for himself. When? Who knows. And then what happens? Who knows.

Hey, no rush, buddy! It's not like there's a fucking tropical storm due tomorrow!

Tuesday, floor guy says he'll be back Thursday between 12:30 and 1:00 to finish the floor repairs he started and to start another set. Thursday comes and goes: he never showed up, and never called to reschedule.

There are still three or four major issues that need fixing (and countless minor ones that we would like fixed). And the four or five fixes that he started still need sanding and finishing. And he needs to replace a whole bunch of toe molding that he took off. But he's apparently uninterested.

He used all the wood on his first set of fixes, after letting it acclimate for a week. But, he never brought new wood in to acclimate for the fixes he has yet to start.

This guy is seriously pissing us off.

Yesterday, wife gets a call at 9AM telling her that the floor guy would be at our house at 11AM. He shows up at 12:45. Asks which of the dozens of 1/8"-1/4" gaps we want him to fix. She says "Umm... all of them?" He says he's "not going to fix them all." So, he works on three or four of them. Then leaves, saying he'll be back on Thursday to do a few more. Leaves our house covered in sawdust and wood particles. Didn't bother covering any furniture.

I suspect the builder is probably twisting the floor-guy's arm to do this, because he obviously is not thrilled about it.

On the other hand, it looks like he's fixing the gaps by:
1. Sawing-out the existing boards around the gap.
2. Cutting new boards which are slightly wider than the old boards. ?
3. Banging them into place.

I wonder about the permanence of this fix. I don't see any nail holes on top of the new boards, so I suspect they are either glued down, held in place by friction and pixie dust, or he did a truly expert job of filling the nail holes.