Category Archives: Uncategorized

Green Chicken

The last couple of whole chickens I've bought have turned out, after cooking, to have lime-green patches in the meat next to the breast bone. They were both "free range", organic chickens. There was no weird odor, and the texture looked the same as the normal meat. We didn't eat it, of course.

Turns out, this is a common occurrence and is called "Deep Pectoral Myopathy" or "Green Muscle Disease". It's caused when the bird is still alive, and develops muscle tears due to excessive wing flapping, or rough handling, or due to poor circulation in birds that are bred for huge breasts.

Fascinating.

And disgusting!

Outkube.com

With funding from dozens of news outlets and media companies, the groundbreaking Outkube.com launched this week, providing an online destination where pandering and incendiary content is used to lure moronic Internet commenters away from all other websites.

If only.

According to sources, Outkube boasts thousands of articles and forums carefully crafted to draw in dim-witted web users and effectively quarantine obtuse, uninformed comments on topics such as gay rights, Ryan Gosling, the threat of Sharia law in the U.S., health care reform, whether Kobe is better than LeBron, Jewish control of the government and media, the New York Jets, the Second Amendment, and professional wrestler John Cena.

Most stories on the site are reportedly preloaded with several witless and profanity-laden comments specially designed to incite retaliatory remarks.

Powdered Spider

Greetings to thee, guest...

Today I bring you a song about a black and hairy and villainous spider; now a dead, dry and dessicated, pulverized and powdered spider, named Carl. This is his song, though it was not written to honor him - for he was a thoroughly dishonorable sort of spider: dropping down onto heads and shoulders at inopportune times, casting webs across doorways, lurking in shoes. A horrible creature. But he died, then dried, then was crushed to dust on our cold hard floor. And this is his song. His memory. His cruel, once-goo-filled memory.

Well, no, not even that. Really, it's not about Carl, or any spider, or anything at all. But songs need titles, and this song's title is "powdered spider". So be it.