A Politician of Many Dimensions

MediaMatters:

After lying about death panels, the Bridge to Nowhere, aerial hunting, and pretty much everything else she's known for, it should come as no surprise that half-term governor turned Fox News analyst Sarah Palin would lie about the mantra that came to define her ill-fated run for the vice presidency: "Drill, baby, drill!"

Sarah Palin is the ultimate post-modern politician: not only does the truth of any matter depend on how she, the Sarah Palin Of The Moment, can position herself around it, in time, space and ideology, but Sarah Palin herself is a dynamic and imponderable object, which exists in our universe only in ways which appear to defy the normal laws of political reality. She is much more than a politician.

For Sarah Palin, a creature of the present, the past is mutable. It is what she says it is. The past never was; it only is. This is what makes focusing on her past statements and actions irrelevant. When you think back to a past encounter with Sarah Palin, you will not see the real Sarah Palin there; you will only see a hypothetical Palin - a Palin as unreal as if you were imagining an encounter with her in the future. The real Sarah Palin only exists in the present and can choose to inhabit the past you recall, or not. She decides, according to processes we, not being of her kind, cannot begin to understand.

As time is irrelevant to Palin, so is ideology. To Sarah Palin, ideology is merely a compass which she uses to keep her opponent positioned at a fixed angle from whatever she thinks. What you think, Mr. Opponent, is 180 degrees from what she thinks, always. You may see this as her reacting to your position, but that would be self-centered of you. In reality, she has defined you as her opposite, and you can only react to your new position. "But I have not moved!", you protest. And then you try to explain and describe your plight to anyone who will listen. But Sarah Palin will have moved on; she is no longer in the past where you are waging your battle; She has left you with your provisional memories and your confusion.

And so, unencumbered by traditional notions of truth and ideology, Sarah Palin is able to move in four-dimensional circles around her opponents. She can appear on all sides of all issues simultaneously, and yet is always in opposition to whatever her opponent thinks. She is for what she is against but is against you, no matter what you are for.

This puzzles us. We do not understand. But it's not our fault. Our political senses are simply too primitive, and we are unable to behold Sarah Palin in her full manifestation. She moves through dimensions we cannot reach and intersects our universe in ways we cannot comprehend. She is a beautiful and wily sphere, toying with us, mere insensate Flatlanders. Our intellects, such as they are, fail to grasp the totality of Sarah Palin. And so we impotently flail at our own ignorance, but we mistakenly think we rage against her. She confuses even our emotions.

Perhaps it is best to ignore her and hope she bores with us.

10 thoughts on “A Politician of Many Dimensions

  1. Ugh

    Perhaps it is best to ignore her and hope she bores with us.

    Perhaps, and yet, she will not be ignored, and not be bored, unless you wish that she not be ignored and not be bored, at which point she will have rotated, being both ignored and bored. Thwarted, you have been! Unless, you really, in fact, wish her to be bored and ignored, then she will not be bored and not be ignored!

    In that regard, she is like Schrodinger’s Cat in the Hat: She will not can not not be bored, she will not can not not be ignored. She will be should be be bored, she will be should be be ignored.

    There! She was fafnir all along.

  2. Rob Caldecott

    Loving the hypercube animation. What a mind fuck.

    So Palin’s still a political force then huh? Does she have much real support? I thought there was another more-acceptable-but-still-batshit-crazy right-wing gal (from Texas or somewhere? can’t recall) stealing Sarah’s thunder?

  3. cleek

    oh sure. she’s still around. the media loves her – or, at least they love writing about her.

    she has the support of the drooling, knuckle-dragging, mouth-breathing, xenophobic lunatic bible-thumping wingnut base of the Republican party. plus she has a TV show about Alaska! i wouldn’t be surprised to see her as the GOP nominee in 2012. i’d be scared, but not surprised.

  4. Rob Caldecott

    She has a TV show about Alaska? Does she shoot endangered animals before drilling for oil? Jesus.

    So she still only cares about ‘Guns, God and Gays!’ then. ha!

  5. Mike Mundy

    As an Einsteinian mind-experiment, one wonders what would happen if a four-dimensional circle met 11-dimensional chess in the same time/space continuum.

  6. cleek

    one wonders what would happen if a four-dimensional circle met 11-dimensional chess in the same time/space continuum

    i have a sinking feeling we may just find out

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