{"id":861,"date":"2005-11-30T17:07:11","date_gmt":"2005-11-30T17:07:11","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/cleek.lunarpages.com\/blogs\/?p=861"},"modified":"2005-11-30T17:07:11","modified_gmt":"2005-11-30T17:07:11","slug":"evolution-scientology-style","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/?p=861","title":{"rendered":"Evolution, Scientology Style"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>I was wondering what Scientology's take on the whole evolution \/ Intelligent Design debate was. So, I Googled. <\/p>\n<p>I found <a href=\"http:\/\/www.skepticfriends.org\/forum\/showquestion.asp?faq=4&amp;fldAuto=60\">a hilarious<\/a> overview at the Skeptic Friends Network:<\/p>\n<ul>Our next evolutionary stage was the CLAM, a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153scalloped-lip, white-shelled creature.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d We CLAMS had a host of problems, the first being the birth of our \u00e2\u20ac\u0153epicentres [sic] of [what] became the human jaw.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Other than that, some of the CLAM's misadventures included not being able to close its jaws when needed. For instance, it would \u00e2\u20ac\u0153get its shell stuck open and be unable to shut it.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Ouch! Also, it would be washed ashore and \u00e2\u20ac\u0153bake under a frying sun,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d which, by the way, causes people to have sunburns if this memory of being a CLAM is \u00e2\u20ac\u0153stimulated.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/p>\n<p>The main course of reproduction for the CLAM was using spores, which were on the lip and \u00e2\u20ac\u0153permitted to grow.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d These spores, you should know, could \u00e2\u20ac\u0153burst\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and be \u00e2\u20ac\u0153sudden and painful.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d (And, ignore the fact that real-life clams don't propagate this way.) These spores, however, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153gave `incident' which permitted the human teeth to have a pattern.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/p>\n<p>If you want to \u00e2\u20ac\u0153stimulate\u00e2\u20ac\u009d a person into remembering their life as a CLAM, you need only to ask, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153Can you imagine a clam sitting on the beach, opening and closing its shell rapidly?\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Then you should make a motion with your thumb and forefinger opening and closing. According to Hubbard, the person might \u00e2\u20ac\u0153grip his jaws \u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 and feel quite upset.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d He or she might even say something about the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153poor clam,\u00e2\u20ac\u009d become depressed, and, in some cases, fall into a stupor. <\/ul>\n<p>Wow. But, it gets better:<\/p>\n<ul>Next is the WEEPER (also known as the BOOHOO), another shell animal, whose \u00e2\u20ac\u0153plights are many and pathetic\u00e2\u20ac\u009d \u00e2\u20ac\u201d but, sad to say, yet another stage of our evolution. Its experiences are very hard to distinguish from the CLAM's. For instance, it also lay on the beach \u00e2\u20ac\u0153as seaweed and a dying clam.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d The WEEPER or BOOHOO also struggled to open its jaws, and when it did so to grab some food\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6 POW \u00e2\u20ac\u201d it might \u00e2\u20ac\u0153get a wave in the shell\u00e2\u20ac\u009d along with unwanted sand. This was an anxious period of our evolution, obviously.<\/p>\n<p>The WEEPER had to breathe oxygen at some point, so it regularly pumped out salt water to inhale \u00e2\u20ac\u0153atmosphere.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d This is why we cry! We \u00e2\u20ac\u0153pump out the salt water\u00e2\u20ac\u009d to relieve ourselves; or, as Hubbard says, \u00e2\u20ac\u0153\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6[cry] out a grief charge\u00e2\u20ac\u00a6\u00e2\u20ac\u009d <\/p>\n<p>This WEEPER had two \u00e2\u20ac\u0153pumping tubes\u00e2\u20ac\u009d which later \u00e2\u20ac\u0153evolved\u00e2\u20ac\u009d into \u00e2\u20ac\u0153the eyes of a human being.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d Naturally, it had some problems since it lived on the \u00e2\u20ac\u0153edge on the surf\u00e2\u20ac\u009d and had to furiously pump to eat or breathe. <\/ul>\n<p>Awesome stuff. And that was just the first Google hit ! I must learn more.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>I was wondering what Scientology's take on the whole evolution \/ Intelligent Design debate was. So, I Googled. I found a hilarious overview at the Skeptic Friends Network: Our next evolutionary stage was the CLAM, a \u00e2\u20ac\u0153scalloped-lip, white-shelled creature.\u00e2\u20ac\u009d We CLAMS had a host of problems, the first being the birth of our \u00e2\u20ac\u0153epicentres [sic] [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-861","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/861","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=861"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/861\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=861"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=861"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=861"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}