{"id":17473,"date":"2012-12-12T14:22:18","date_gmt":"2012-12-12T18:22:18","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/?p=17473"},"modified":"2012-12-12T14:22:18","modified_gmt":"2012-12-12T18:22:18","slug":"flushing-your-cares-away","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/?p=17473","title":{"rendered":"Flushing Your Cares Away"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sullivan<\/a> marvels at a video of a toilet demonstration: hot dogs, chicken nuggets, kitty litter, flush into oblivion; \"oddly meditative\" Sully says. I am reminded of a recent adventure.<\/p>\n

A few weeks back, while we were moving out of the old house, I got stuck with the task of emptying the refrigerator, alone. The plan was to bring a cooler along, throw everything worth saving into the cooler and haul it to the new house, but I forgot to bring the cooler. All I had were some large plastic garbage bags. So I started putting jars and bottles of condiments and sauces into a bag. I soon realized, however, that it was going to be far too heavy to carry. And I didn't want multiple bags, because fuck that. So, I decided to throw some of it out. But, all of the glass was recyclable, and guilt about the goddamn Earth got the best of me. So, I had to empty them. But I didn't want to just dump the contents of those jars and bottles into the trash because five bottles-worth of salad dressing would make for one stinky garbage can! I had to find some other method of disposal ... The Toilet!<\/p>\n

And so, I started dumping sauces, syrups, dressings, marinades, capers, relishes, mustards, broke-down dips, and all the other stinky, sticky, liquid crap I didn't want to save ... into the downstairs toilet. This quickly became a pungent, chunky, red, white, green and gray slurry. It looked and smelled pretty much like the collected vomit of a dozen \"I dare you to drink this!\" contestants. Then I found a jar of pickles! I figured a toilet should be able to handle a half-dozen pickle spears without trouble; a pickle's size and shape being similar to what a toilet is designed to handle... ipso facto, ex post partum, reesees mentos, QED... no problem! (See, Mrs, I do too think about things before I just go and do them!) So in they went. They sank and, except for the tips of a couple spears, disappeared.<\/p>\n

And then time came to send the horrific bubbling (tonic water!) mess to the sea. So I flushed and ... the pickles wouldn't go. Though they were old, they still didn't have the flexibility to get through the twist at the bottom of the bowl - damn your eternally crunchy pickles, Vlasic! Then, the relish and the rest of the chunky goop hooked up with the pickles and formed a seal at the bottom, plugging the drain. And the water kept flowing in. Higher and higher, the roiling pink brew climbed towards the top of the bowl. <\/p>\n

There was no plunger in reach. Nothing in sight with which to pry or push or pull the obstruction. Panic was rising along with the slurry. An overflow of that<\/i> mess would be a disaster. But, being a veteran of many toilet repairs, I remembered how toilets work... So I smartly reached down and turned off the water supply. Water stopped pouring in, the goop stopped rising. Crisis delayed! <\/p>\n

I searched the garage and eventually found an old paint stir-stick. With that, I chopped the submerged pickles into flushable chunks. After a bit of this, success: the toilet belched in vinegary relief and swallowed the whole bowl full of evil in one wretched gulp. A couple more flushes took care of all the clinging and smeared remnants. And, except for the smell, there was no sign the event had ever happened.<\/p>\n

Success.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sullivan marvels at a video of a toilet demonstration: hot dogs, chicken nuggets, kitty litter, flush into oblivion; \"oddly meditative\" Sully says. I am reminded of a recent adventure. A few weeks back, while we were moving out of the old house, I got stuck with the task of emptying the refrigerator, alone. The plan […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[24],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17473","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-project-house"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17473","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=17473"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/17473\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=17473"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=17473"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/ok-cleek.com\/blogs\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=17473"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}