Go read this story about a writer who visits his sister's college English class, and falls into a great pool of cluelessness. It's pathetic.

Whyyyayyyayyyayyyayyyy don't you use it
Tryyyayyyayyyayyyayyyy not to bruise it
Buyyyayyyayyyayyyayyyy time don't lose it

Duran Duran: Stylishly meaningless.

Big Question: why is that song on my iPod?

Interpleader

Just let that one roll around in your head for a while. Inter. Pleader. It sounds like it could be the name of a death metal, or mid-90's "industrial" band ("Tonight 9:00PM: Skinny Puppy, Interpleader, Revolting Cocks. All Ages!"). Or maybe it's a melancholic person who spends his days gnawing away at his own psyche. Or, it could be the name of a mind-eating brain-demon in a sci-fi story ("The Interpleader within him had reduced Commander Riker to a frail husk of a man, weakly crying for death in the corner of his containment pod."). It sounds so malicious, so demonic.

But, it's really just a legal term for a form of legal action where one party can force two other parties to settle a dispute - ex. a life insurance company can force two potential beneficiaries who each claim the same insurance benefit to settle the dispute in court before paying anyone. I suppose someone probably thinks such an action is malicious, but sadly, it's not really demonic.

interpleader

Merry Christmas, Young Skywalker

Worst American Birthdays

I been memetagged. But Bobby's response is so damned awesome, anything I do is going to suck in comparison. Fucker.

1. What's in your pocket?
Brass.

2. Is the pork ready?
Pork not ready. Come back two hour.

3. Have you ever had to rock to and fro to make your poopie go?
Sometimes he's runny, sometimes he's corny, sometimes he's practically water!! Sometimes he hangs of the end of your ass and won't fall in the toilet 'coz he's just clinging to your sphincter and he won't drop off so you shake your ass around, try to get him to drop in the toilet and finally it doooooeeees!!!!! It's Mr Hankey, The Christmas Poo...

4. Do you like onions?
I am the sun and the air.

5. So, how big is it?
8.5 x 11

6. Budweiser or real beer?
Yes, in quantity.

7. What do you feel about your nose?
Ass cheeks

8. Children: Baked or broiled?
Syntax error.

9. Do you like it when I do this?
It's fine even if you don't do that.

10. Do you like the sound of chickens?
Do they have large talons?

11. Would Beyonce clip her own toenails?
I believe she gnaws them off.

12. Do you like pork?
Come back two hour!

13. If the butter is soft, does the bus arrive on time?
Yes

14. When do you get up?
When I'm done getting down.

15. How did you survive childhood?
Angst is surprisingly nutritious.

16. What do you do before bed?
I strike my breast three times and proclaim "Hallelujah" 'till I nearly burst my lungs.

17. What are your hidden charges?
PMA-2

18. Who's behind you?
Everyone. Fuckin losers.

19. Why don't people go to the bathroom on TV?
They do. Didn't you ever see that Seinfeld where George takes his shirt off?

20. What's a soylent green popsicle?
Summertime fun!

21. What does it taste like?
Minced skin.

22. Why doesn't Consumer Reports rate hookers?
It damages their self-esteem.

23. Does George Bush replace the toilet paper tube?
He doesn't use T.P.. He uses the bodies of strangled songbirds.

Over to you, Rob!

Circular Firing Squad

grumpy realist, in comments at Balloon Juice says, about Bush and his 6 year failure to get rid of bin Laden:

After a while, one starts wondering if the Coyote really does want to catch the Roadrunner. Maybe he just likes ordering stuff from Acme™

This just in: landmines are inhumane. To robots.

Who would Jesus blow up?

Bomb Plot Thwarted at Falwell's Funeral

Authorities arrested a Liberty University student for having several homemade bombs in his car.
Editor's Picks

The student, 19-year-old Mark Ewell of Amissville, Va., reportedly told authorities that he was making the bombs to stop protesters from disrupting the funeral service. The devices were made of a combination of gasoline and detergent, a law enforcement official told ABC News' Pierre Thomas. They were "slow burn," according to the official, and would not have been very destructive.

The words "terrorism" and "terrorist" are not used anywhere in the story, of course. "Terror" gets one hit, in reference to comments Falwell made after 9/11 ("...9/11 terror attacks"). You just can't be a terrorist if you're a Christian, I guess.

(via)