On Wednesday, DC law student Amy Currotto announced to the world in a Facebook post, "BERNIE SANDERS I KID YOU NOT STOPPED ME FROM GETTING HIT BY A CAR ON MY WAY TO MY GUITAR LESSON." Her alleged near-death experience and subsequent selfie with the Vermont senator quickly went viral, and like a lot of people, we here at VICE had about 200 questions: Did he vault over a moving car, dodging traffic at superhuman speed to whisk her away from danger? Did he throw himself in front of her, raising a single palm to some bus driver inches away from mowing her down? Could he have sprinted out into the street, scooped her into his arms, and carried her to safety, Spiderman-style?

Now can we be done with this fuggin guy?