Balloon Juice Disemvoweller / Pie Filter

Because the others are so useful, I've created a Greasemonkey script for Balloon Juice, to disemvowel comments from users you don’t like.

It works the same as the others, and the same caveats apply (works based on the name the commenter uses, etc). In addition to good old dsmvwllng, it also has options for replacing their text with a nice white-on-black    REDACTED    banner; or it can make the text really small: Look at me, I'm small!. It also has a special "I Like Pie" mode (thanks to d-p-u).

So, Download and install, if you wish (you’ll need Greasemonkey, first : FireFox, GM 4 IE).

(note: the following text is obsolete, as of 8/2/2011, because the latest edition of the BJ pie filter allows you to add/remove people from your pie list via two buttons on the comment page itself - no more editing required! )

You’ll have to do some minor editing on the script itself - to add your list of targets, and optionally, to change the comment-abusing style. Again, all the stuff you need to monkey with (haha) is clearly commented.

If you’re using FireFox, and you’ve installed GreaseMonkey, and installed this script, just go to the Tools menu, choose GreaseMonkey / Manage User Scripts, select the script and click Edit. (not sure where the option is in IE. you'll find it). The things you need to edit are right there at the top. It’s basically just a matter of changing the default ‘baddies’ names to the names of the people you want to filter. You can have as many names as you want. If you need more help, feel free to ask.

41 thoughts on “Balloon Juice Disemvoweller / Pie Filter

  1. Ugh

    The Chewbacca defense works much better when spoken, when written down it looks, uh, stupid. Instead I think I’ll just start drinking.

  2. Jen

    I need help editing the script, please! I am hopeless. I am a little weirded out by discovering we read the same blogs.

  3. cleek

    the only thing you really need to do with the script is to edit the “baddies” list.

    just add your ‘targets’ into the array, one at a time, in quotes, with a comma separating them. for example:

    var baddies = new Array(
    "Dug Jay",
    "Peter Johnson",

    you can add any number of items that you want.

    you can put them one per line, or all on one line, or split up on multiple lines – the only thing that really matters is that each name is in quotes, and that there’s a comma between each. oh, and be sure to leave the starting left-paren and the ending right-paren/semicolon.

    the only other thing to edit is the style:

    var style = 3;

    you can set that to 1,2 or 3. 1 = disemvowelling. 2 = REDACTED, 3 = pie. set that to any of those values.

    other than that, you don’t have to touch anything.

  4. Jen R

    I don’t know how I missed this before, but thank you thank you thank you. I just can’t deal with reading BOB anymore.

  5. les

    late to the list, but thanks. Absent your pie, BoB may have driven me from BJ. If you ever need tax advice, discounts may be available.

  6. GReynoldsCT00

    I need help with this Cleek, I’ve got the Manage User Scripts dialog box up and clicked edit but it’s asking what text editor I want to use… I don’t know squat about code…and I’ve had it with B.O.B

  7. NeenerNeener

    Cleek, your pie filter is a thing of beauty and a joy forever. BOB’s comments are actually fun to read now.

  8. Peter

    Great script, have been using it before, but I haven’t been using it for a while.

    Right now it’s broken for Opera, and semi broken for Firefox.

    This due to the usage of GM_xmlhttpRequest, which Opera doesn’t support, so opera users are unable to update pie descriptions.

    To fix this you need to set dynamicPieText to false.

    But, and here’s also why it’s semi broken for Firefox. The time waiting for the http return means that last part of the script gets to run before the onload call to replaceText.
    So the last part needs to be moved for it to work in Opera and in Firefox if you turn off Dynamic Pie.

    Thanks for a great script.

  9. cleek

    This due to the usage of GM_xmlhttpRequest, which Opera doesn’t support, so opera users are unable to update pie descriptions.

    is it possible to detect browser type from within GM ? i Googled a bit but didn’t find any info.

    The time waiting for the http return means that last part of the script gets to run before the onload call to replaceText.

    not sure i understand. that last part (the xpath query) should run before replaceText. i need to fix it so that does. in fact, it should actually be inside replaceText (as it is in my pie filters for other blogs)

  10. Peter

    Not sure about detecting browsers, I’m really not a javascript person.

    What I mean is that this

    var allLIs, thisLI;
    allLIs = document.evaluate(
    “//li[starts-with(@id, ‘comment-‘)]”,

    needs to be before the part starting with

    if (dynamicPieText)

    Since the script is waiting for the result of the http request before doing the replaceText call, the allLIs “bit” gets to be executed before despite its placement.

    As it is now, if there’s no http request replaceText will get called without allLIs and thisLI declared and initialized, and the script won’t work.

  11. cleek

    yeah, that’s true.

    in all the other versions of the filter (for different blogs), that code in inside replaceText. not sure how it escaped for this one.

    it’s been fixed.

    thanks for the tip!

  12. cleek

    i use FF and it’s working fine for me. i grabbed the latest version off the server, to test.

    what do you have in your ‘baddies’ array ?

  13. cleek


    forgive the obvious questions:

    is GreaseMonkey running? (is the little monkey face in the bottom-right brown and smiling or gray and sad?)

    is the BJ script enabled (check the GM user script manager) ?

    have you changed anything else in the script ?

    which versions of FF and GM are you using ?

  14. glasgowtremontaine

    Oh thank God. It was Sad Gray Monkey Syndrome. All is now well. Thank you for providing not only pie filters but also baking instructions to the clueless.

  15. glasgowtremontaine

    (And I had spent an embarrassingly long time trying to fix the script in various ways, too … and had wondered, didn’t the monkey face use to be more vivid …)

  16. cleek


    i’m glad it was something simple. debugging these scripts is a PITA even when you have them running on your own PC. i wasn’t looking forward to fixing it via blog comments… :)

  17. maeby

    Thank you cleek!
    I don’t comment much at BJ, but your filter has made it possible for me to continue reading without repeatedly headdesking. You are a hero, good sir.

  18. Larkspur

    O Cleek! I am a very nice person, but I am also a moron. I have installed GM and your pie filter, and the little monkey’s face is happy. When I see the Comment box at BJ, there is the stuff that says “Pie Filter Stuff”, then the boxes: Add Selected and Remove Selected. But then I can’t go any further. I have clicked on the comment of the delightful person I wish to Pie, then click on Add Selection, but that doesn’t work. Then I type the name into the comment box and click on Add Selected, and that doesn’t work.

    I suspect it is something terribly obvious to everyone who isn’t me. I believe I am on the brink of successful Pie-age. What’s the last thing I need to do? BTW, the “Pie Filter Stuff” words are kinda paled out and not clickable. Is that a clue?

    Thank you, and I will buy you a drink at some point.

    1. cleek

      “I have clicked on the comment of the delightful person I wish to Pie”

      you need to select/highlight the name of the person you want to Pie, then click the “Add Selected” button. so, find a comment they made, highlight their name in the comment header (it’s ok if there are spaces at the end), then click Add.

      when you do that, your browser will pop up a message asking you “Add ‘Whoever’ to pie filter?” (where “Whoever” is the text you’ve selected. if that’s the right person, click Yes and that person will be Pied.

      1. David Fud

        Hi Cleek,

        Any pointers on Chrome? Chrome is supposed to have native Greasemonkey support, and my browser shows that your pie filter is installed, but I don’t seem to be getting the functionality in the comment section that you describe. Kola Noscopy needs to eat pie, and I don’t know how to make that happen. Please help.

  19. No One of Consequence

    Cleek, on behalf of myself and my household, thank you for making this script. You are awesome in ways barely comprehensible to us meager mortals. Thank you, thank you, thank you. Some of BJ is well worth the read. But the troll shit was really starting to stink up the place.

    I now have awesome pie, where before I had mostly foul troll guano.

    Thanks again!

    – NOoC

      1. opie_jeanne

        That would be me. I was trying to decide which of the browsers to download, so I think I’ll try FF.

        I’ve been mostly happy using Safari but it does have a few odd and minor limitations.

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